Anywhere But a 'Stan': Where Do You Draw the Line?

This post is about why we choose to go somewhere, or choose not to. It starts with a young French woman and a very sneaky loophole we discovered.

Manon and the forbidden 'Stans'

I was recently staying in a hostel in Tbilisi, Georgia, when Manon arrived, the day after me. She was 22, French, and on her first ever solo trip.

We got chatting that afternoon, and I mentioned I was heading off on a free walking tour. Manon had never heard of one, so I explained. You follow a local guide around the city and tip them at the end whatever you think the tour was worth. It's great value and the quickest way to get your bearings somewhere new. It struck me that this is exactly the kind of thing you only learn by getting out there. None of it is complicated, but each little trick picked up along the way makes the next trip easier. That slow build of know-how is what turns us into better travellers, and it's why every trip counts, even the wobbly first ones. I asked Manon if she wanted to come along, and off we went.

On the way, she told me Georgia hadn't been her first choice.

She'd originally set her heart on Kyrgyzstan. She'd read about it, researched it and decided it looked amazing. Her parents disagreed. They'd never heard of it, and a quick Google convinced them it was far too dangerous for their little girl to visit alone.

So Manon suggested Kazakhstan. At least her parents had heard of that one. Still no. And then came the ruling: she was not to go anywhere ending in "Stan."

Disappointed but not beaten, she looked at the map, spotted Georgia, and got the green light. So, here she was.

The funny thing was about halfway through the walking tour, our guide explained that the old Persian name for Georgia was Gurjistan. "Stan" simply means "land of." So Manon had gone to a Stan after all. She said she wasn’t going to mention that particular fact to her parents. 😂

We all have a line

Manon's story got me thinking about how much we rule places out simply because they're unfamiliar. Not because we've looked into them and decided against them, but because they sound far away, or odd, or we just don't know anyone who's been.

And if you're reading this as a woman in midlife, you might recognise Manon's situation more than you'd expect. It might not be your parents saying no. It might be your grown-up children, your partner or your well-meaning friends. "Why can't you go somewhere normal?" Very often, "normal" just means "somewhere I've heard of."

Everybody draws their line somewhere. At one end of the scale, there are people who'd rather not leave the sofa. At the other, there are people climbing K2 for fun. I'd put myself a bit to the right of the middle.

I like a bit of familiarity. I'm honestly as likely to book Spain as I am Mongolia. But I'm not after hardship for its own sake either. You won't find me heading to the North Pole or into a war zone any time soon. What really draws me is somewhere I've heard of that's still a little off the beaten track. That sweet spot where it feels like an adventure, but I can still find a hot shower and a bed without bedbugs.

How the flame gets lit

The funny thing is that my list keeps growing, and it's almost always because of people.

Just yesterday I met a lovely young woman from Kazakhstan who told me all about her home country. A flame was lit. An American woman I met loves South Korea so much that she now spends six months of every year living there. Another flame.

Nobody gets curious about a country from a travel warning. We get curious from a person's face lighting up as they talk about home. That's one of the things solo travel gives you that a package holiday rarely does: you meet people who make you want to go somewhere you'd never have considered.

Georgia: the country that feeds you

Georgia is my kind of place, just unfamiliar enough to feel exciting but easy enough to be enjoyable. Tbilisi is a jumble of crumbling wooden balconies, sulphur bathhouses and hilltop churches, and the food alone is worth the trip. Georgians have also been making wine for around 8,000 years, fermenting it in clay vessels buried in the ground, so it would be rude not to try some.

Armenia: a little further out

I've just crossed the border into Armenia. It's not a common destination for British travellers, which is partly why I wanted to come. It was the first country in the world to adopt Christianity as its state religion, back in 301 AD, so ancient monasteries are dotted across the landscape. On a clear day in Yerevan, you can see Mount Ararat looming on the horizon, a mountain Armenians hold dear even though it now sits just over the border in Turkey.

Will it push me out of my comfort zone? Probably a little. And excuse the cliché, but that's exactly the point - being slightly out of my depth is when I feel most alive.

Finding your own line

Wherever your line sits, there's no wrong answer. The trick is making sure it's you who draws it, not a quick Google search or somebody else's nerves.

If you're planning your first solo trip and aren't sure where to start, I've put together a free guide: 5 Destinations perfectly suited for first-time solo female travellers over midlife: Free Resources — Unescorted Some of them might feel too easy and others a bit too daring, depending on your sense of adventure, which is exactly why I've included a good mix. Pick the one that sits just the right side of your line.

And one day, maybe a "Stan" will sneak onto your list 😉